You Just Don’t Know Until . . .
. . . you’re in the thick of it. I’m not sure how many times in my life I’ve already learned this lesson or how many more times I’ll have to experience being humbled for it to sink in. Just when I think I’ve got things figured out to the point where I can look down my seasoned nose at others for not being as savvy in certain matters in life, I find myself right on my ass doing what I said I’d never do. And two of my favorite mantras besides“me first, me first, me, me, me!” are “never say never” (which is an idiotic saying that I’m never going to say again) and “I know for sure that I don’t know everything”. I’m starting to seriously question whether I know anything at all.
My latest ass-falling moment came to me when we (the fam) were eating dinner last night. I was reminded of a time when I simultaneously condemned someone for doing something I knew was unwise and made a silent promise that I wouldn’t do the same, all the while nodding sympathetically at her. Gawd, I can be such a judgmental snob sometimes! I probably do need to keep falling on my ass.
Anyway, when I was 8 months pregnant, I met up with a friend and her adorable 3 month old baby for lunch. As soon as we sat down, she proceeded to take her baby out of the carseat and hold her in her lap the entire time. She could barely even eat her sandwich, much less relax and enjoy my pleasant company. I remember ranting to Favorite that night about how her baby hadn’t even been crying, seemed perfectly content in the carrier, and how she had unnecessarily taken her out just for the sake of holding her. I went on to say that I would neeever do that because then the baby would always expect to be held and would grow to be super needy. He, supportive future-dad that he was, heartily agreed and we moved along on our gossiping way, content with the knowledge that we knew what was going on.
Flash forward a couple of months to when our baby has been born and has the needs that babies naturally do. We just so happened to have a daughter that is very demanding and requires a lot of contact. The difference in people’s parenting lies in how they react and respond to the needs that their babies have. After getting to know her and learning a lot about attachment parenting, we both agreed that there was no other way for our family. So when we go out to eat or are eating at home, our baby doesn’t cry either, but we pick her up and hold her. What may look like a baby that’s “content” because it’s not crying to an observer sitting nearby, can actually be a baby who’s sending cues to her parents to let them know she’s not happy without crying (as our baby does).
I wonder how many people judge us for “spoiling” our baby. Oh well . . . karma!
I know exactly how you feel! I recognized those non-verbal cues right away with the Babito too. Screw those people that judge you…..
Yeah, screw ‘em! Although . . . it’s what I get for judging people too (with as little malice as possible, of course)!
You are cracking me up. It is like flashback mode for me. I am soooo far down on the “crunchy” spectrum now but reading your posts is like putting me back in my shoes during pre-pregancy and the first year after my daughter was born. I had to eat my words so many times. All of the judgments I made before I had a child, while I was pregnant and raising a newborn came back to swiftly kick me in the rear. It’s been a very humbling, and enlightening, experience. I was born and raised mainstream and swore I would be until the day I died, so many things that I practice now, or did practice (co-sleeping, extended nursing, non vaccination, homeschooling, etc) I thought were for parents who clearly had something wrong with them or clearly were misinformed, at best. Now it is I that must sit on the other side and be judged. It is just a nice dose of funny to me.
LOL , Journey! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one eating my words. I know I’ll probably continue to do so throughout my life - but oh well, it’ll just mean that I’m learning. And that’s never a bad thing! Maybe being wrong about always being right is good for me :).