High Need = High Maintenance
But I think I’m ok with it. It took me this long to find out that Chick Pea is a high needs baby. Well, I already knew she was high needs, I just didn’t know there was a known term for this “type” of baby. We’ve been having a bit of a rough time around here the last month and a half or so . . . very little sleep + nonstop demanding days + a healthy dose of separation anxiety = a very worn out mama.
As I was looking up info on separation anxiety, I came across “high need babies” on Dr. Sears site (the AP guru). I couldn’t believe that I had never seen this section before. Even more unbelievable is the fact that he wrote this section about our baby! I swear it. She is every single one of those 12 descriptors to the T from the day she as born (and even before- she was a vigorous kicker)!
I don’t know how many times I’ve sat with other friends’ babies who stayed happily in their carriers, bouncers, or swings, and wondered how they got their babies to do that. And why they weren’t bouncing, walking, and holding their babies all day long. I even began doubting my parenting choices because I thought I had made her this way. So it came as a nice surprise that besides contributing to her genes, I had very little to do with Pea’s demanding nature. This is not to say that it makes it easier to take care of her, but I certainly understand her better. This allows me to draw upon a “patience reserve” that I didn’t even know I had - which makes me a better parent (at least I like to think so).
So, I’m posting this info for any other parent out there who may have a similar baby (I’d love to hear stories from any of you). Or maybe just to let my peeps know why I haven’t had any time to write lately.
I love constantly learning about our little Pea!
Good job mama. It’s tough, huh. I admit my daughter was certainly not on the worst of the high needs spectrum but she was certainly on it. It was a lot or work. But sooo worth it. Like you, I didn’t even realize she was high needs until she was older. She is a very, very talkative and strong minded but wonderfully intelligent and funny toddler. She is also very independent and self-assured. Co-sleeping saved my sanity from what would have been years of no sleep (she now sleeps in her own bed). Good luck and keep trusting yourself. You know how to parent that baby better than anyone else.
I promise not to tease you any more when you don’t post. The Babito went through some separation anxiety and it was difficult. She’ll grow out of it, just hang in there.
@ Journey: Thanks for sharing and the encouragement! Your little girl sounds like a future copy of Pea (hopefully)! It’s definitely something to look forward to because that’ll fit us and our lives just fine :).
@ Dan: LOL - I like being teased . . . by friends, anyway. No worries here - you keep on doing what you do best. Thanks for understanding, though. I know she’ll grow out of it, it’s just tough when you’re in the moment to look at the future. But it looks bright, so we’ll just hold on for the ride!
More posts soon to come!
It’s so nice to hear other stories from mothers with similar experiences (after you posted a comment on my blog, I came to yours and am very happy to have found it!)…not one of my friends has dealt with a high need baby and I don’t think one can ever understand until it has been lived.
Good for you too for accepting Chick Pea the way she is and using the ‘patience reserve’. I’m still coming around on that part, getting there slowly but surely. It’s amazing how much energy it takes to raise a high needs baby.
Thanks for the suggesting on wearing my son around too-we have done that in the past, but he’s 20+ pounds (we have a Moby, but want to look into a back Ergo or something…
and it really kills me after a little while!
Nice to hear from you too! I know exactly what you mean - all of my friends have “good” babies - lol. I like to think that ours are spunky babies with personalities to match. And trust me . . . the patience thing doesn’t come easily and I have days when the reserve tank is empty! It’s amazing that my energy ever renews itself!
Yeah, wearing her is what has saved my life! I used to wear her in an ergo like carrier till she was about 4 months or so. Then I switched to a mei tai (babyhawk) and I LOVE it! I wear her on my back all of the time (in front too depending on what I’m doing). She’s a chunker over 20 pounds too, so I know how you feel!
Glad I found your blog!