Filed under: Chick Pea, parenting | Tags: attachment parenting, dr sears, high needs baby, parenting
But I think I’m ok with it. It took me this long to find out that Chick Pea is a high needs baby. Well, I already knew she was high needs, I just didn’t know there was a known term for this “type” of baby. We’ve been having a bit of a rough time around here the last month and a half or so . . . very little sleep + nonstop demanding days + a healthy dose of separation anxiety = a very worn out mama.
As I was looking up info on separation anxiety, I came across “high need babies” on Dr. Sears site (the AP guru). I couldn’t believe that I had never seen this section before. Even more unbelievable is the fact that he wrote this section about our baby! I swear it. She is every single one of those 12 descriptors to the T from the day she as born (and even before- she was a vigorous kicker)!
I don’t know how many times I’ve sat with other friends’ babies who stayed happily in their carriers, bouncers, or swings, and wondered how they got their babies to do that. And why they weren’t bouncing, walking, and holding their babies all day long. I even began doubting my parenting choices because I thought I had made her this way. So it came as a nice surprise that besides contributing to her genes, I had very little to do with Pea’s demanding nature. This is not to say that it makes it easier to take care of her, but I certainly understand her better. This allows me to draw upon a “patience reserve” that I didn’t even know I had – which makes me a better parent (at least I like to think so).
So, I’m posting this info for any other parent out there who may have a similar baby (I’d love to hear stories from any of you). Or maybe just to let my peeps know why I haven’t had any time to write lately.
I love constantly learning about our little Pea!
Filed under: Chick Pea, learning | Tags: attachment parenting, baby, karma, learning, life
. . . you’re in the thick of it. I’m not sure how many times in my life I’ve already learned this lesson or how many more times I’ll have to experience being humbled for it to sink in. Just when I think I’ve got things figured out to the point where I can look down my seasoned nose at others for not being as savvy in certain matters in life, I find myself right on my ass doing what I said I’d never do. And two of my favorite mantras besides“me first, me first, me, me, me!” are “never say never” (which is an idiotic saying that I’m never going to say again) and “I know for sure that I don’t know everything”. I’m starting to seriously question whether I know anything at all.
My latest ass-falling moment came to me when we (the fam) were eating dinner last night. I was reminded of a time when I simultaneously condemned someone for doing something I knew was unwise and made a silent promise that I wouldn’t do the same, all the while nodding sympathetically at her. Gawd, I can be such a judgmental snob sometimes! I probably do need to keep falling on my ass.
Anyway, when I was 8 months pregnant, I met up with a friend and her adorable 3 month old baby for lunch. As soon as we sat down, she proceeded to take her baby out of the carseat and hold her in her lap the entire time. She could barely even eat her sandwich, much less relax and enjoy my pleasant company. I remember ranting to Favorite that night about how her baby hadn’t even been crying, seemed perfectly content in the carrier, and how she had unnecessarily taken her out just for the sake of holding her. I went on to say that I would neeever do that because then the baby would always expect to be held and would grow to be super needy. He, supportive future-dad that he was, heartily agreed and we moved along on our gossiping way, content with the knowledge that we knew what was going on.
Flash forward a couple of months to when our baby has been born and has the needs that babies naturally do. We just so happened to have a daughter that is very demanding and requires a lot of contact. The difference in people’s parenting lies in how they react and respond to the needs that their babies have. After getting to know her and learning a lot about attachment parenting, we both agreed that there was no other way for our family. So when we go out to eat or are eating at home, our baby doesn’t cry either, but we pick her up and hold her. What may look like a baby that’s “content” because it’s not crying to an observer sitting nearby, can actually be a baby who’s sending cues to her parents to let them know she’s not happy without crying (as our baby does).
I wonder how many people judge us for “spoiling” our baby. Oh well . . . karma!
